Thursday, July 5, 2007

Oh man.

My 5 year old sweetheart of a daughter was diagnosed as bipolar this morning. The Dr. had taken her off all of her meds to see what would happen. She had such extreme highs and lows. One minute everything was wonderful and she wanted to hug you and she was super hyper and the next minute she "hated everybody", was going to "get rid of herself" and would have screaming and crying fits. We've suspected she was bipolar for a bit now but to have it confirmed is awful. This is not a fixable condition. This is something she will deal with for the rest of her life. To top it off I had to sign a release form for her to take the medication she needs. It can cause all kinds of side effects and we will have to watch her very closely. I am praying that this medicine is okay for her and is what she needs.

I have mixed thoughts on giving her the medicine because when I was around 18 I was MISdiagnosed as being bipolar. I actually had post traumatic stress. I took the medicine they gave me and it made me very tired and unable to feel emotions half of the time. I don't want that for her. The Dr. assured me that the meds will not do that to her if she is truly bi-polar. This whole situation makes me so ANGRY! I am furious at her birth mom for using drugs while she was pregnant! I am furious that she was neglected and not given the kind of love that would make her emotionally stable today. I feel so helpless. I am her Mom and I can't fix it. And it KILLS me. I would do just about anything to make her okay. Now I'm going to start doing research and try to find out just where to go from here.
Journalling Prompt: Why do you think God put you on this earth?
I would usually have a smart aleck response for this. He put me here to drive my husband crazy. Or to entertain my neighbors. But I'm not feeling so funny today. Honestly I think I am here for the same reason everyone else is. To do the best with what they were given and to learn through living. I have to believe that he placed me in both of my girls lives for a reason. And that we didn't get pregnant right when we started trying BECAUSE he meant for us to adopt Alexis and Jordan. I still have a lot of faith in God and his unknown plans. Even though life hasn't been easy. There sure have been some beautiful parts that make it all worthwhile.
Please pray for Lexie for me.


Adriann said...

I'm so sorry to hear about dd's diagnosis. I will lifting you all up in prayer!!!


Anonymous said...

Sometimes we are not supposed to understand God's plan. We are just supposed to trust him to help us through and carry us when we are unable to walk.

Anonymous said...

I can unstand how u feel, you hurt when they hurt, and want to take the pain away. That's why God gave us Jesus Christ, to help us through the pain and hurt. Heather, may not seem it now but, U are the answer to Lexie's and Jordan's paryers. they have someone would loves them and will always be there for them, no matter what. Bless you honey!

Leah & Terry said...

I am so sorry to hear about your daughters diagnosis, I can also understand your worries about the medication too. Thank God, your daughter found you and that she has such great parents that care for her now, that is such a great thing for her. I will be thinking of you!

Mindy said...

Heather, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I can only imagine the kind of anger & pain your family is going through. I am so Thankful that you are her Mother and that she has you to watch over her and care for her now. Bless you for being such a strong woman for all three of your children.