Thursday, January 13, 2011

In My Head

There’s been a lot going on in my head lately. I’m an anxious person by nature. I’m super organized and I like to be prepared for the unexpected. Realistically I know that it’s not possible to be prepared for everything. Sometimes things happen and you feel like you’ve been sideswiped or stepped on. Yesterday was one of those days.

Alexis has been seeing a psychiatrist since she was 4 years old. Many of you are aware that she has some severe mental health issues going on. I haven’t had the best relationship with her psychiatrist. He never listened to my opinion and didn’t seem to be taking me seriously when I explained just how bad things had gotten here at home. He would just brush off my concerns and suggest another medicine or MORE medicine.

As a result, I found Alexis a therapist who worked outside of the practice where the psychiatrist worked. I also got Alexis on the waiting list to see a new psychiatrist. Her name finally came up and we got an appointment on January 25th to see the new doctor. Wednesday was our last visit with the old psychiatrist and I asked him for her most recent case note, her weight/height chart, and her recent blood work to bring to the new doctor. He printed them out and the secretary gave me the papers as we left.

When we got in the van I opened the envelope because I was curious to see what his impressions of Alexis were at this visit. He never says much, just throws more medication at her. Under her lengthy list of diagnosis I was extremely upset to find the following notation…

“Emerging symptoms of Conduct Disorder.”

I knew she had Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She was diagnosed with that over a year ago. Conduct Disorder is a step up from Oppositional Defiant Disorder and it is SCARY. Kids with Conduct Disorder are more likely to use drugs, end up in jail, and are violent. It makes her more likely to hurt animals, run away, have drinking problems, and much more. I was speechless. I came home and started looking up information on Conduct Disorder and I just cried. I’m scared for her and for our family. My heart just breaks because I love her so much and I don’t want any of these things for her. At the same time… I can totally see why he would think that based on her behavior. Apparently he was listening more than I thought he was.

The only thing I can do right now is pray. Nothing else has worked. I know there’s no miracle medication that will make it all magically go away. We will keep working with her therapist and new psychiatrist and trying to do the next right thing for her. I’ve learned that with Alexis I can’t predict the future or be prepared. I just have to do the best I can each and every day and hope for the best.

Today Jordan is home sick. She and Brandon have been running all over the house like wild heathens. It’s hard to believe that this morning she had a fever and was sneezing all over. They’ve taken every toy they own out as well as some of Lexie’s. They read books together too. Their current favorite book is called “I’m Dirty”. It’s about a bulldozer who gets messy while he’s cleaning up. I think it’s a super cute book.

The pediatrician’s office didn’t have an appointment today to see Miss Jordan so she’s going in early tomorrow morning. I think she has another sinus infection. She’s going to miss her field trip tomorrow because of it and she is not a happy camper. I feel bad for her but not bad enough to let her go to Little Chef where she’ll sneeze in whatever the kids are making. Eww.

I have a few layouts to share today. I’m trying to get back into my scrappy groove but I’m feeling a little off lately. Not sure what’s going on with that. I guess it could be all of the worrying I’m doing.


I made this layout with an adorable Fancy Pants pack that Juliann sent me! It's just so cute. I cut the banner out and popped it up. If you look closely you can see th shadows from the dimensional adhesive. I made the lollipop flowers by misting them with Pearl Glimmer Mist and crumpling them. I added Stickles to the edges to make them stand out a bit.

Journaling: 2/2010 You are the most adorable Valentine I've ever seen. I love you Jojo!

Isn't that sticker on her forehead cute? She cracks me up every day!  I used a sketch by Liz Qualman as the inspiration for this layout. Her sketches are so great!


Ha! The title on this layout is kinda ironic given the fact that Jordan is screaming her head off in the photo. This year she did a lot better thank goodness.

Journaling: 12/2009 Landry Family Christmas Photo

This is based on a PageMaps sketch. I don't usually do 8.5x11 pages but I really liked this sketch!
That’s all for now, but I’ll be back later this evening with the journaling/blogging prompt. I had a ton of interest in it so I’m going to start it up again after I feed these children who think they need to eat three meals a day! LOL



Kelly Massman said...

Your first paragraph fits me to a tee. It's amazing that you could scrap anything much less produce such great work under your current circumstances! Your in my thoughts!!! :-) here is a virtual hug, too

Nancy aka Homesclscrapper said...

So sorry about the psychiatrist. Just wish he had been more open during the time you had been seeing him. Maybe if he had, you would have been more ready to work with him. Big hugs for you, and all the heathens. I will be praying for Alexis. Your layouts are fabulous...funk or not. Big hugs.

courageous o'connors said...

well I am in a lot of similar situations. when we take our son with autism to see his psychiatrist i also never feel like they are listening and seem to want to solve every problem with another medication. He is on one now but they have prescribed others which I refused, for now. I want THERAPY but I never get it. Our 6 year old son has ODD and/or conduct disorder as well. I heard early on from their first appts to always ask for the paperwork. Some of the drs opinions surprise me as well.

I get scared a lot too and it makes me feel overwhelmed but i guess i think, those terrible things happen more often with children whose parents don't seek help.
As long as you are doing all that you can then I would think the odds are in your favor for a better outcome. Focus on all the positives. You are a great mom.

The Scrappy Cottage said...

Oh Heather, my thoughts are with you and Alexis. I so hope the new Drs will help her more. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Your layouts are so amazing, and I have learned so much from you. Hugs coming your way...

Sand and Sunshine said...

I think hugs are in order! Bartender we need hugs all around! Take care of you!

Amanda Sevall said...

Oh my - poor kid. :( I'm hopeful that with Ronnie and you giving her so much love and care, it will make all the difference in the world. Definitely in my thoughts and I hope the new dr will work better for her and for you. Absolutely love this layout. Hang in there Heather!! Sending you a big ol' hug!!