I always knew that I would be a Mom someday, but infertility made things incredibly difficult. Years of treatments, timing, and praying didn't result in my greatest wish. I can’t lie. There were times when I was angry at God. It seemed dreadfully unfair to me that so many women had unwanted pregnancies while my hands and my heart felt desperately empty.
After three years of treatments, we decided to become foster parents. We were hoping to foster a child that we would later be able to adopt. Little did I know, I had completely underestimated how hard it would be. We had two little girls that we fell in love with who weren't able to stay, and my heart broke into a million pieces twice. God had a plan though. I’ll never forget the day that I got the phone call for a little girl who would stay… forever.
I was in the tub shaving my legs when the phone rang. It was our home development worker and she told me that she had a baby for us to foster. I could meet her the next day at the hospital to decide if we would be able to take care of her. It wasn't a normal fostering situation because this precious little baby had been in the NICU for three long months and needed a lot of care.
We only had one car at the time and Ronnie worked across the lake, so he dropped me at the hospital in the morning and I stayed there all day. It was so hard to wait until 5:00pm when I had an appointment with destiny! The first time I laid eyes on Jordan I knew she was special. She had tubes everywhere, but they didn't detract from her big brown eyes and obviously spunky personality.
I met the nurses and got suited up to enter the NICU. They explained important procedures and directed me to a rocking chair near her isolette. Then they placed her in my arms and everything else ceased to exist. Her tiny little toes, her beautiful little fingers… every single part of her was perfect. She was an absolute miracle in so many ways. I rocked her until she fell asleep and then I just kept rocking. I never wanted to let her go.
Later that evening Ronnie and I had a consultation with the doctors. They didn't agree that she was perfect. They shot scary words at us like bullets out of machine guns. Their weapons were words like cerebral palsy, developmentally delayed, wheelchair bound, and mentally retarded. Each one stung and I wondered how they could be so sure of the outcome. After all, Jordan had already died once on the day she was born. The doctors breathed life back into her even though her apgar scores were all 0. Surely God had a greater plan in mind for this child?
In spite of their dire warnings that she wasn't the child we prayed for, we agreed to foster Miss Jordan. I had to room in the hospital with her for several nights to learn how to run her equipment. She was on oxygen and an apnea monitor. She didn't eat much at all and she was such a tiny, fragile baby. I was scared but determined, even when several of the nurses gave me a hard time about taking in such a sick child. Looking back now, I can understand their defensiveness. She was theirs for three months and I’m sure she captured their hearts the way she did mine.
After two years, Jordan was freed for adoption. I cried tears of joy and pain on the day we found out because my heart was broken for her biological Mom. I never expected that connection. I never knew how grateful I would be to her biological Mom… it’s indescribable. She gave Jordan life, and asked me to take care of her when she couldn't. She gave me the most selfless gift that I've ever seen anyone give. She gave me my precious daughter.
We were told that we were crazy for taking in a special needs child because she would be “nothing but work” and we wouldn't “get anything out of being her parents”. We were told that she needed to be in a home. That she would never “walk, talk, roll over, or say Momma”. Fast forward nine years later, and the little girl that they said all of those depressing things about reads three levels ahead of her grade. She makes straight A’s and has bunches of friends. She walks, she runs, and when she talks it’s like talking to a grown up. She uses words like pedestrian and patella. She sings at the top of her lungs and dances without a care in the world. She lives life wholeheartedly and loves from the depths of her soul. I know that my life has been forever changed by my precious child that everyone underestimated.
Everyone except God and her Momma that is… You see, we've always believed she could do anything.
*My post today was inspired by a prompt for Storytelling Sunday. I came across her blog and the prompt really spoke to me and made me remember how much I used to love writing.